Throw It Like a Ballplayer

providing baseball commentary and ponderings since April 2010

He’s not my type, anyway

Posted by dannmckeegan on November 9, 2010

The Elias Sports Bureau has released their newest fall rom-com, the 2010 MLB player rankings. A surprising knee-slapper, this year’s dramatic flourishes are supported but not overshadowed by some dark humor. But that’s not to say that some true knee-slappers aren’t right there for an attentive audience. What’s your type, MLB front offices? This plot follows a rag-tag group of statisticians and programmers who share a love of baseball and cruel jokes. Providing Old Man Selig with a numerical rank for all of the free agents out there, “Bud” Selig uses his power and influence to rank the top scorers as Type A or Type B. They are free for the signing…but with a catch. [More after the jump]The Catch? If one of the 30 lonesome, miserable GMs finds himself smitten with one of those Type A free agents, he has to surrender something precious to his future. Even worse than a devil’s pact asking for a firstborn, Elias’s system catalyzes the hardest decision possible for the GMs: sign their true love, or be allowed to keep their 2011 first round amateur draft pick. If the player signs, his spurned former team receives compensation in the form of a “sandwich” pick in a supplemental round between the first and second. That holds true for Types A and B. But a Type A player? He also costs that first round pick!

So let’s take a quick look at the premiere Type A free agents, the ones who can only sign with a team willing to cough up a 1st rounder:

Carl Crawford; Jayson Werth; Derek Jeter; Adrian Beltre; Cliff Lee; Mo Rivera; Rafael Soriano; Andy Pettitte; Adam Dunn; Paul Konerko

Sounds good so far. But then we see the other Type A free agents:

Victor Martinez; A.J. Pierzynski; Carl Pavano; Miguel Tejada; Derrek Lee; Matt Guerrier; Scott Downs; Arthur Rhodes; Jorge De La Rosa; Frank Francisco; Takashi Saito; Dan Wheeler; Jason Frasor; Manny Ramirez; Magglio Ordonez; Ramon Hernandez

Seriously? Someone’s giving up a first-rounder in what’s widely considered the deepest draft class in years to get a 40-year-old reliever (now in lefty – Rhodes – AND righty – Saito – models!)? Or pick a washed-up catcher, any washed up catcher! Even a team signing Gerald Laird (TYPE B!!!!!) will automatically allow Detroit to have a sandwich pick! He had a negative WAR, for those who care about such things.

And this is why the Cubs should not sign Adam Dunn. If anything, get Adam LaRoche (Type B) as a stopgap. He’ll hit 25-30 HR, play every day, and field his position well above a league average level. He’ll cost $7 million for 1 year with a mutual option for 2012. Done and done. Let the Donkey find other pastures.

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